"Focusing" and Menopause

As in all life transitions many mixed feelings come around this subject: feelings of fear and uncertainty, especially around the issue of aging; feelings of relief that finally sex and pregnancy can fall into separate categories; feelings of elation, as we move into ownership of our accumulated wisdom at this juncture of our journey, and maybe feelings of regret, for what we haven’t yet accomplished, that we wish we had. Whatever myriad of emotions come for women at this stage, it is probably safe to say that the sensitivities about entering into this mid-life transition are mixed and many.

My experience as both a therapist, and a pilgrim on the Path, so to speak, has taught me that we can face almost anything, as long as we have some safe and nurturing method of processing the deluge of information with which we are bombarded, daily. For some, the process of processing involves the interaction with colleagues, friends, and groups. For others it is the safety of therapy and alternative health care models. Other’s are attracted to meditation and spiritual practices, or learning new ideas and sharing them at workshops and conferences. Probably for most of the readers of this article it is a combination of all of the above.

I would like to speak briefly here about a process that I believe can be of great value to menopausal women (and everyone else for that matter!). It is called Focusing. And, while this article is not intended to teach the process to its readers, it might be useful to speak of some of the benefits of Focusing in order to spark some interest, and perhaps further investigation into its usefulness in the area of Menopause.

Focusing was developed by Eugene T. Gendlin, Ph.D., University of Chicago and author of Focusing (Bantam, 1981). It is both a technique and a philosophy that is used to bring the focuser into deeper contact with the Self, and with the issues that, as we say in Focusing, “stand between me and feeling really good in my life, right now”.

Briefly, Dr. Gendlin was doing research at the University of Chicago, with some colleagues to address the question: Why is it that psychotherapy works for some clients and not for others? Or said another way: What is it that makes psychotherapy a success - or not?

After listening to many hours of taped therapy sessions, the team discovered some remarkable findings: First, they noticed early on that they didn’t need to listen to the entire tape. They could, after listening to the first 5 minutes of a therapy session, predict accurately which clients would be successful in therapy and which ones would not. Second, successful therapy seemingly did not depend upon the model of therapy being employed, or even the skillfulness of the therapist, but rather something that the clients did instinctively and organically within themselves which took them beyond the limits of rational knowing, into a realm of inner knowing.

This inner knowing had its own reality and wisdom. Experience was registered in a bodily-felt way, what Gendlin came to call the felt-sense - something like saying: “This is what I think....and this is what my body thinks.” Focusing is about learning how to listen to what the body is saying so that there is a fit or match between what we think and what we feel. When the match exists, the body immediately eases up, responding with a strong “Yes, that’s it!” “That fits! ” Conversely, when there is no match the body tightens in some way and reacts - something doesn’t feel right. We often say “I knew it wasn’t right all along.” So Focusing is about learning how to listen to those vague “its” and “somethings ” out of which so many of our crucial decisions are made. It is a process that validates our finding out, according to our own felt-rightness, what is appropriate and fitting for us by learning how to recognize and affirm the body’s subtle signals and cues, and how to be respectfully congruent in thought, feeling, and ultimately in action.

There are two parts of the Focusing process that make it unique, and that can be particularly useful to menopausal women. The first is learning how to recognize, understand, and listen to the “felt-sense” which might be described as the full holistic body-sense of an issue, bigger-in-scope than just the emotions. The felt-sense contains all of the emotions, thoughts, feelings, images, and past happenings “the whole thing.”

Second, the Focusing process puts a special emphasis on what we call the “I/It” relationship. That means that there is “I” who has “it”(meaning the issue.) Gendlin emphasizes that in order to Focus we need to be in “right relationship” to, or have a “right distance” with our issues, so that we are not so overwhelmed by feelings (“it” is bigger than me) that we can’t cope, or so distant and detached that we don’t experience what we are feeling at all.

In trying to apply this idea to the subject of Menopause, we might start by asking ourselves some of the following questions:

What relationship do I want to have with Menopause? How do I want to be with it?......I can hate IT, I can be angry with IT, I can welcome IT, I can treat IT like a friend.

How will I be in right relationship to a hot-flash? I can be creative and humorous with it: “Every time a hot-flash comes I will imagine that I am having a flash of insight” or “Every time a hot-flash comes I will use that moment to think of something hilariously funny.” Or I can simply be victimized, and curse it in-the-moment, which means in Focusing parlance, that the hot-flash is bigger than you!

How do I want to be with the part of me that is experiencing these changes in my body? Notice that there is a spiritual implication here, like saying: A “part of me” is having a profound experience and going through many changes, but the “I” (the Soul, the Self) remains solid and stable. “I am that I am”.

Women nearing or entering menopause can feel overwhelmed with the amount of information and “opinions” out there, and while probably all of them have value and merit some of the time, the addition of Focusing helps to validate the reality of one’s inner knowing and direct inner experience. It is that inner “ah ha” that makes for a shift in attitude, and consequently new perception, direction and openness to the new and unknown.

Bala Jaison, Ph.D, is a psychotherapist in private practice and Director of Focusing for Creative Living in Toronto.